In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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