Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
