I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
