My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
