great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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