im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
