im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
