I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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