all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
