Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
