I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
