I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
