Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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