how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
