Don't you send me to vm
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
