I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
