I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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