Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
