I wannas sexs uuuuu
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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