Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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