barbara walters just said penis...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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