already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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