The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
