i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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