and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
