life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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