There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
