Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I could fuck to npr.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
