This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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