Christians are straight up FREAKS
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I will die if light touches me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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