Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
