hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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