Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My vagina is very pro this idea
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
