Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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