dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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