Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
