no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
