A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
