i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
