i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
