She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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