dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
