I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
His nipple licking is glorious
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