Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
