Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
