So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
