Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize