Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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