Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
