Moan for me like Helen Keller
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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