am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize