I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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