You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
