whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
