I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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