Who wears a wallet chain?!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
