I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
