In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
