my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Boobs speak an international language.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
