im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
