I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
