We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
